Goodness gracious.

Attending a recent awards night, I was struck by the MC reminding winners to thank the appropriate people, colleagues, friends, partners, along with husbands and wives, who contributed to their success. Some were gracious and sincere in their thanks, some made comedic remarks about lack of partners and some were cursory in their thanks to others, while some forgot the instructions completely. None of the above made it an unusual night in regards to graciousness. The winners were there for a reason, to pick up a trophy, after all it was all about them. Yet the question should be asked, was it only about them?

Grace is not about you, grace is about others, the others who help you everyday, the others who make your life better for knowing them and the others who give without wanting anything back and knowing how to show that appreciation. It's a mistake to point at manners, thank you's, opening doors, giving your seat to someone older and equating that with graciousness. Grace is what emanates from everything you have learnt, everything you have achieved with the help of others and what you give back.

Professor Adam Grant of the Wharton school opines on great leaders and how their grace, generosity and altruistic attitudes provide as much, if not more success than the individualistic, self aggrandising leader. For the last decade he has researched characteristics that make up the high achievers of the business world and society. Motivation, ability and opportunity were the common threads linking success but he was able to include a fourth when he studied interaction in the workplace. The choice we make when we interact with someone saw him ask the questions, how much value do we claim from that person or how much value do we give without concern for reciprocity. This led him to categorise people into takers, matchers and givers and ask which of these led to the most success.

The general answer for many was takers, those who achieve because of their high level of self interest, while givers were seen to continue to give with no reward, especially in business. Grant himself noticed the amount of paranoia in the business world, where people saw the need to be takers or be seen as exploited and taken advantage of. He subsequently found a dearth of givers and the landscape nothing but competition for the top. A famous example given, was Jonas Salk, who never acknowledged his partners, claiming the cure of polio for himself. A taker, he never won a Nobel Prize, was snubbed by his peers and was never accepted into the scientific societies he so wanted to become part of.

Yet interesting data from Grant's research, showed people who rate the concern of others above their own self interest ended up the biggest winners in business and society. Not taking away success from any of the three categories, Grant put forward the thinking that society is better off with the givers as leaders because the cascade effect makes everyone a winner, not just the head of the company or the leader of the society. He saw the grace of a giving attitude separating the great leaders from the great managers and research showed people who freely gave their time and knowledge to colleagues, employees and people in general, become the most admired and appreciated within their circles. Givers always see the best in people, givers build trust and givers elevate others to achieve. This can become contagious, for people see themselves in leaders who inspire and bring out the best in others and this duplication can only be good for all.

Not even the individual athlete, accepting an Olympic gold medal did it by themselves. Is it time to be gracious and thank the people who got you to where you are today?