School Dances.

My first girlfriend in primary school was cute with blonde hair and freckles. I was 11 years old and it took me a year to muster up the courage to ask her out, to the end of year dance. At the time I didn't really know why it too me so long but the angst and anxiety built up, confined me to hanging with the boys at the marble pit. Not that I knew what angst and anxiety was but something was stopping me from just marching up and asking her to the dance. The lack of control, of another person's feelings, created a hurdle I didn't jump till many years later.

I had not had any rejection at that early age, after all, I did my homework and cleaned the yard, so no, was not something I heard from my parents when asking for anything. Yet this innate fear was palpable and unexplainable when facing that decision and didn't go away for many dances to come.

I look around and that fear still exists for a lot of people, especially in sales. A no, a thanks anyway, not today and a thousand others are encountered daily and are over in a second, but the fear of rejection can last a lifetime. Everybody hates rejection but most don't do anything to climb that mountain or get that gorilla off their back. Often it's too easy, not to make that call, not to make the meeting or just not even try and answer the call. With hindsight and therapy it is often easier to come up with reasons rejection doesn't have the sting we all fear.

Most of the time, what you consider a rejection has nothing to do with you and the number one lesson, is not to take it personally. Could it be a rainy day, did the kids not behave, did the mother in law cause problems, is the economy not being kind to your client? So many variables you have no control over. The next time you meet that person they may have had a wonderful day and the result turns around. Often the stories you build up, never exist and you only build them, to explain the end result.

The majority of rejections are never real but we carry the scars of the few that did cut deep and manifest them onto every decision carrying any weight. Especially if the rejecter has some importance in your work life or you have a closer relationship, rejection can be more traumatic.

So you need to ask yourself serious questions and set parameters to gauge your breaking point. How many negative responses before you to start taking it personally? What management level causes you to tremble the most? Being involved is part of the sales process but does that extra engagement with your client make it more personal and does criticism or rejection hurt that much more?

In the end, things you have control of, your beliefs, your attitude, your emotions and your actions are the only things that will work in over coming rejections and letting you move forward. I know you are all wondering, so to get you out of your misery, she said yes to the dance.